cookiebaby722

I call this #TrueSelf this is the real me most of the time, lots would say if they knew the real me, you wouldnt like me, for I am a very complicated person or person's I have these high and low's that come on without warning at times, and even though i can feel them splitting me in all directions, i unable to stop the outcome until its to late, there is that one hateful evil raging one that i have suppressed for a long time, now fighting it way out, and all the good that i did, and accomplished may be lost. I m a ticking bomb, the slightest little thing will become a big ordeal for me, and my worst habit is not to let it go, i just cant shake it off, and i can and have cause lots of damage emotionally and physically to myself and those i love the most. Its so easy to say I m sorry, its just a little word, that after awhile seems to lose its meaning to others, But when i do say it I Mean it from my heart, but i too am getting tired of saying it, for those that truly know me know i don not mean no harm or intentionally hurt someone. I have struggle with this illness for years and have had it under control with meds and love and support from loved ones, but they to get tired, I just hope their love for me is strong enough to get pass these horrible months we have all endured. For it is an Illness, not an excuse or cope out, but with all things there are triggers for setting it off or relapsing into this darkness again, I dont expect you to walk on eggshells but i do expect you to understand that it was a long journey for me to get where i am today, and the actions of other's have their effect on me and set this wheel in motion too. I m tired, of being the one to get help, to take the meds to make allowance's and to keep apologizing for who I am, I am a good woman, loving caring and loyal I will take that bullet for you, in a heartbeat, but i won't let anyone push my buttons any longer, its like that damn Red Nuclear Button once you push it there's only a set time to de code it or Boom! Im become very toxic, even to me, and it makes me so physically ill as well. Doesnt excuse or give me the right to be bossy or controlling, i know i can be very controlling. But hey at the end of the day... This is Me! accept me with for who I am with faults and all, for I accept you with yours... So here are that simple word.... I am Sorry for being hurtful but im not sorry for who i am.... I love you , hope you will love me too <3

Reason for me posting this publicly is to show you (you know who you are) that i dont hide nor do i deny how bitchy I am, I am sweet and cool but like everyone else we all have our inner demons we struggle with everyday for most. So now that i have exposed my true inner self, I hope you will still love me, and accept me. I just a little old woman from #harlem with a big heart but also with a big mouth

But most importantly this goes to show that you can overcome any obstacle’s life throws at you, weather it be physically or mentally, no matter what size shape color or gender or even someone telling you can’t ! There is no such word, you CAN DO IT! I DID......

But I have now learned to separate one from the other and thanks to my husband Ralph DeJesus and mercommunity’s support and love I have found my true self, and as a Mermaid I have found my true calling and I have finally become one whole being.... I am The Harlem Mermaid I m happiest when i in the sea for that’s where I m Free to be Me <3

Be kind to each other be supportive of one another lets build each other up no tear us down, this goes for Family Friends Mermaids Merfolks alike #Unite #MentalHealth